The man who literally saved my life, died.

(Bilde @ meg)

Hoho, noen som vil gjennta hva jeg har skrevet i mine tidligre poster? Nå er det tid for historietid.

The man who literally saved my life, died.

I thought I could handle trough his death, it took me long enough time to figure out that I couldn’t. All I wanted to do was forgetting him, and I so did, for a short amount of time. He had dreams for me, dreams that I wanted to follow. Dreams that could bring me the hope and faith I needed to move on in my life, but it never will. All homicides are tragic, especially when the victims are young. They died before they even could start on with their new life. In this line of work I was afraid that I would lose the availability to trust, but then I realized I can’t really look at anyone without seeing death. And as bad it is losing faith and humanity seems, losing your faith and happy endings is much worse.

How many victims have I seen and how many deaths? 100rds? 1000snds? Both families and victims, both alive and dead. I was always able to stay objective when it comes to someone else’s life, but now all I see is my grandfather. Two more deaths, was it a prize to be paid, or is death even worth it? Was the world always this great, or is it only in the movies that there isn’t black and white, or maybe it’s just an allusion. I used to know, I used to understand my place, and my direction where I was headed. A profiling requires a belief, a believer in the profile, and that you believe in yourself. After my grandfather death, I do no longer trust myself at home, after my mistakes, I do not trust myself in the fields and without that I am nothing.

I’m so sorry that I couldn’t explain it better, and I’m so sorry that I don’t understand anything anymore. I’m sorry this doesn’t make much sense, but I’ve already told you, I don’t understand anything of this anymore. I knew where I was headed, but that was before college, before his death, but I guess it is alright because I believe in happy endings.